Tuesday, January 25, 2005


Bismillahi rahmani rahim
Alhamdulillahi rabbil 'alamin
wassolatu wassalamu 'ala rasulillah

Why is it that some people when trying to give advice or when talking about their own preference for doing something, sound 'holier-than-thou' and 'self-righteous'.. making other people feel down and worthless.. while others say something and make you feel remorse, but at the same time, you really want to take that advice or try to do what he is doing?

I know a brother who used to be in RPI, whenever he gives advice (intended or unintended), subhanAllah.. I always felt 'terasa' (what should I translate this as? :)), I felt terrible for not doing what he mentioned, but at the same time, his words always made me think and want to be a better person. SubhanAllah walhamdulillah.

How do we achieve that level? Allahu'alam.

Some of my own reflections:

sincerity plays a major role.. sincere in seeking out our own weaknesses before looking and noticing other people's weaknesses. Sincere in knowing that however bad someone else is, I know I am much much worse.. Sincerity in giving advice and wanting only good for the other person. Not because I feel I am a better person, not because she is 'oh-so-terrible', not because I love opening my big mouth to sell 'advice' when I never try to live by them.....
knowledge of the sunnah and the ways that Rasulullah sallallahu alaihi wasallam gave advice and taught his companions. Knowing what is the priority in teaching first - what to correct, what to keep quiet about. Certain ways are best for teaching certain things and there are ways for teaching different people...

Yet, these are 'reflections' from someone who does not know what hikmah is herself, and from someone who often times practices the poorest of imans (re: hadith of changing things with your hands, tongue, and hating in the heart)...

Allahumma innaka 'afuwwun tuhibbul 'afwa, fa'fu'annaa


At 8:51 PM , Anonymous Anonymous said...

Have you ever got this feeling... People give advices but at the same time they are doing the exact thing they forbid us to do. Making you stop giving advices because you do not want to be hypocrite like those people. .... But at the same time have this sense of guilt for not giving advices when there are wrongdoing around you. Have you ever been in this situation . i really need a piece of advice...

At 2:57 AM , Blogger nur mohamad said...


Of course, I think almost everyone has been through something of that sort. We should, as you said, avoid hypocrisy - starting first with ourselves, for we cannot change anyone else but "I", "me", & "myself". What helps is that nasihah is a two-pronged sword (?) when we are giving advice to other people, we are actually advising ourselves first and foremost.

"ya ayyuhallazhina aamanu lima taquuluuna malaa taf'aluun
kabura maqtan 'indalLahi an taquuluu malaa taf'aluun"
O you who believe, why do you say something that you do not do?
It is a grave offense/crime in the sight of Allah that you say something that you do not do. (+-)

Sometimes we use the excuse that we do not want to advise people because we are not doing 'it' ourselves.. but actually have you ever tried the other way around? Try advising someone, till you feel really guilty about saying what you do not *really* do, and you will find that you too have changed and become a better person because you gave that advice to someone and started following it yourself. :)

Allahu'alam, may Allah help us hold true to our words.


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